Ahhhh… here we are… Just 4 days away from the most anticipated day of the year, Valentine’s Day! V-Day spawned from the notion of love and relationships. Or at least, that’s what I thought. The thought of the day is to express your love and affection to the person you care about the most. Now, the “old school” way of doing that was to send flowers or balloons, or simply to get some intimate time with your significant other. This new school way though… *side eye*
Think I’m lying? Look at today’s society, all they care about is the gift! And the bigger the gift, the more he loves you, right? WRONG! We are so caught up in this false sense of reality where everything is solidified by money and gifts, especially relationships. Once upon a time, people thrived off of true love. In those times, people understood the value of a relationship, and they were thankful for just that. Putting a price tag on what that looks like was unheard of. What happens when a man can no longer afford that price? Does that mean that he doesn’t love you anymore? Or even worse, he never loved you? Or is it even about love? Maybe it’s all about convenience… yea… that’s it I’m sure. Take a look around you… do you disagree? We live in an era where social media likes morph into a sexual relationship, which then gets misconstrued for love. (Read that sentence again… and again… sounds weird, right? *side eye*)
So let’s get back to the basics… By that, I mean let’s go back to the root of a relationship, the foundation if you will. This is going to be note-worthy so make sure you have a pen and paper ready, voice record on, your vision board handy, and post-it notes available for reinforcement!
You ready… MONEY CAN’T AND DOESN’T BUY LOVE! Yes, we all want that sense of security, but that comes once everything else is in place.
- Start with dating without motives. It may be hard for some, but look at the whole person first before you shoot them down. Ok, he may not be a looker but does he have a stand-out personality? Yes, he may take you to White Castle, but does he open the doors for you and treat you like royalty? Ask yourself a couple of questions…
- Stop with the mind games. You know, there are so many “rules” floating around… I can’t for the life of me figure out who made them. The 90-day rule, the don’t take her to my house rule, the don’t text back immediately rule. Stop it! Just stop, this is madness. How about do what feels natural?!? Playing these games only sends mixed signals to the other party. No one wants to admit it, but we all hate to be toyed with, and the emotional nature of most people causes them to seek revenge.
- Stop begging. Period. From sex to hand bags, you don’t deserve that after two dates. And if you feel like you do… well… there’s another name for that.
- Lose the time constraints. Different relationships move at different paces. It’s ok that your friend’s man proposed after a mere 3 months, that may not be your path. Stand firm in that and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it. Every human being was uniquely placed on this earth with their own individual path. How did we lose sight of that? There is no need to compare yourself and your situation to anyone else, be happy right in the life that you are living.
- On that note… enjoy the ride. Enjoy the dating phase, have fun, live a little for Pete’s sake! Every relationship has different cycles, where two people are going through the different motions (we’ll discuss this more in-depth later). Be present in each so you can enjoy the moment.
Politics do not belong in relationships, and we all have an individual course. Yes, Valentine’s Day is near, and so what if you don’t have anyone that you can call such. Be patient and enjoy this cycle of your life, whether that’s being single or dating freely. One day you will have someone to enjoy it with, and you’ll cherish that moment just as much when it gets here.