Solid relationships are few and far in between these days. I mean, it’s really sad. It’s almost like the general population has lost hope in love… and life for that matter. Whenever I turn on the television I see a new break up or divorce; hell… to personalize it even more, whenever I log on to social media I see the same as well! So what is the issue? What is occurring today, that didn’t occur 20 years ago? What is the reason for the lack of longevity in relationships these days?
Well, I have a theory. I think I know exactly what the reason(s) are. Now, these categories can be broken down into subcategories as well. But let’s start with the number 1 reason…
#1 – Cheating: Of course, you guessed this one right?!?! Cheating is probably the main reason why most relationships fail. Whether that be infidelity on behalf of the man or the woman; It’s just one of those things that literally takes your heart, snatch it out of your chest, stomp on it, spit a loogie, run over it with a semi-truck, and then hand it back. Exaggeration, maybe… But anyone who has ever been cheated on knows that indescribable feeling all too well…The odd part about it is, I’m sure “cheating” didn’t just start in the 20th century. So how did our parents, and their parents handle it if they were married 40-50 years and more? But let’s look deeper anyway…
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Sub-cat 1: Peeling back a layer – Is it considered cheating if you actually weren’t? You could have been accused as such from having a phone conversation with a high school friend; or you were caught giving someone a simple compliment; now, in the social media era, it’s even as real as someone connected to your page leaving emoji’s under all your pictures. Are these examples cheating? I bet if you asked the accuser they would say HELL YES. It’s very important to understand the difference though… YES, the above could definitely hurt your partner, so please always be considerate of those feelings, but is it really cheating? Is this really the # 1 reason, or are the stats skewed? Depends on who you ask. I suppose cheating could be described however you want to describe it. However, my humble opinion would be: please don’t let the Petty Wap or Petty LaBelle side of you ruin your relationship. Is it worth it? If you put too much energy into being petty, you probably won’t be able to tell the difference when a “real” issue surface. Ask yourself, if you agree that the examples above are cheating… Is it really enough to ruin a solid relationship? If it is, you have to question the foundation of it. Your bond and your love should be so strong, that only you can break it. If outside influences can crumble your house, it was never completely built to begin with.
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Sub-cat 2: Consider the source… We only know what one tells us. Normally when we get the “story”, whether it’s a personal affiliation or a damn celebrity, it is always one sided. One person told the story… It doesn’t matter which person because we can assume the same logic for both, which is the other party would probably have a different story. Think about it… if your friend calls you and says that her boyfriend/husband cheated, do you hear from him as well? No. If the media reports a celebrity left her husband because he cheated, do we hear a response from him? More than likely no. I know this has a lot to do with damage control. Sometimes the fight and messiness that may come from responding isn’t worth it. It’s still something to keep in the mind though…
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Sub-cat 3: Consider the facts… Which we normally don’t have, right? We never get the backdrop to the story (which always exist). The info could range from:
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Problems in the house. Are there pre-existing issues that caused one side to step out. Could that person have been trying to get out of the relationship anyway, and the significant other chose to ignore the signs?
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Lack of sex. Regardless of how much society denies it, sex is a huge part of a relationship. Beneath the surface, it is a spiritual bond that connects you and your partner. That very reason is why it is detrimental to have many partners (but we’ll discuss that later). If there is a strain on the sex life, it is very easy for your partner to disconnect from you. Especially men, as they are more physical creatures.
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Not worth a damn in the first place. Or this could be someone who was detrimental to you to begin with, but you ignored it. They may not have had any qualities, but you ignored it. Your intuition could have been telling you that the person was a mistake… BUT you ignored it. You ignored every red flag and warning, trying to see something in the person that was never there to see. You can’t think more of your partner than they think of themselves. And in those cases, why are you shocked when they cheat again? You have to accept some accountability in those actions too. Sometimes we don’t want to accept that as the truth, but it is what it is. Remember, YOU control who you let in.
Whew! I’m exhausted just thinking about it all, but I hope it’s at least something to think about. If you have nothing else, you should be able to trust your partner until proven otherwise. No one is perfect… NO ONE. Our flaws are in different areas, but they are still flaws. You probably won’t find the perfect person, but a person can be perfect for you. If issues do arise in your relationship, deal with them IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Outside influences can influence the outcome. Be sure you control your own relationship; no one else can tell you what is or isn’t good for you.