If we take the time to consider what a relationship is, in essence, it is the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected; or the state of being connected. It sounds simple, right? That’s because it is. “Relationships” in its natural state are not hard. What makes them hard are people and circumstances. Now before you go all off the deep end on the concept, give me a second, I can explain…
As human beings, we were raised a certain way, grew up under varying conditions, and have been through different issues in past relationships. Those pieces of the puzzle, along with others such as religion, spiritual alignment etc., shape and mold who we are. Since they do, quite naturally, we start to “become” a certain person, with particular characteristics and personality traits. Those traits, are what show up in relationships and ultimately become factors in determining whether or not it will be successful. Think about it, when scoping out an interest, what are you looking for? Some men may say the physical attraction must be there first to even have a conversation. Some women may say that intellect is what draws them in and the physical isn’t a factor. Whatever your preference may be, when meeting a person, you are looking for the “good” character traits in them, so those will be the first that show up. It isn’t until you get to know a person that you realize who they REALLY are (I know someone understands what that means)! Only then will all of the other character traits start to show their face; the insecure, shallow, lying, intellectually challenged, disrespectful, no time having, notorious heaux chasing (and that could be men or women) individual shows up in your house. {breathe… just a little sarcasm} but for real… Now, a person may only have one trait from above, every single one, on maybe even none at all. It just depends on how lucky you are. ? If you hit the jackpot, all of the above plus some bonuses will show up. We’ve all been there, so no need to feel embarrassed. The good thing is, where there are problems, there are always solutions… I am going to scratch the surface here and provide a couple… (Keep reading)
– Ladies, we have to stop rushing into these relationships… Yea, his car may be nice, and he’s established in his career, but what else?!?! Besides the surface, you don’t know anything else about this man so why are you comfortable enough to move forward with a relationship with him?! Take the time to get to know him… Date, date, and do more dating and have fun while doing it! There is nothing wrong with dating, that is actually the best part of starting a relationship. Contrary to what you may think, time IS on your side! And you may be saving yourself a ton of it by getting to know the whole person first before committing to him.
– Men, yes, she has a ass and a small waist, but what else?!? Who is she beneath the surface? Can she engage in a meaningful conversation? Does she take care of her kids? Is her house clean or does she have one? Does she have a personality? There are soooo many other things to consider when hopping into these relationships. Because what happens is, you hop in, and then months down the line you are bitching about her attitude… or how trifling she is… or how she never cook and clean but make it to the club every week. Your rants are ok, I mean, who doesn’t enjoy a good rant, but you are leaving out one small factor… YOU chose her! So who can you ultimately blame in the situation? Just a little food for thought….
– Communicate… This has to be one of the biggest downfalls in all relationships. Everyone has other agendas; for some reason, men think that they can’t be honest with women because women really don’t “want” honesty (a lot of men’s assumption… which, by the way, is not true). Women either do one of two things… They never communicate their thoughts and feelings out of fear that the man may blow up. And when they do, they are soooo over the top angry at that point that they don’t communicate effectively. Stop this madness. It is not healthy and furthermore, no relationship can survive without communication.
– Men, please please please show some consistency. That’s all.. well, one of… the most important things to women. You can’t love your woman to death one minute, then treat her like shit the next. Or call her everyday for months, then disappear for days at a time. There is a problem with that picture! Turn the canvas toward yourself so you can see it.
– Finally, the lying… Leave this little monster out of the relationship. In our current society, there are some men AND some women have this issue. Whether it’s a small white lie or a big one, it will ultimately create trust issues in the end. Men, if you are hanging out with the fellas, say it… Ladies, if you are tired and simply don’t want to have sex, say it. Don’t create a lie like, “Honey I was out sitting in the library trying to catch up on my reading,” or, “I’m on my period for the 45th day in a row so I can’t have sex.” Lies lead to more lies, which ultimately leads to a decrease in trust. Trust is a big deal in ALL relationships! If you don’t have trust, what do you have? That may be a good question to ask yourself before moving forward…
Remember, life is about choices… so choose to be present and authentic in your relationships.
~ T. Mariē