What is LOVE? And I’m not talking about the textbook definition, but what does LOVE mean to YOU? How does it feel? What does it look like? I, as well as many of you I’m sure, have heard (and seen) the fairytale stories. The one where a prince falls from what seems to be the sky, does everything so perfectly and proposes (in the most romantic way) at the end of the first date and the princess falls head over hills in love with him. Now… I’m not saying that this story is impossible, as a matter of fact, I hope that it is for someone out there. But, the way my life is set up, I have yet to see it…
See, I live in a world where humans reside. Yes, humans… Humans who are not perfect. Humans who make worldly mistakes based off the situations that they are put in (which I have also been a victim of once or twice). Humans who are just being… well… humans, and humans may make a mistake or two here and there. I know we hate to admit it, but just because your partner may phuck up a time or two doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. Yes, that means, if a man cheats on you it doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t love you. But before we go there, define it, what does LOVE look like to you? Does love look like loyalty? Does it mean being financially stable within the relationship? Does it mean having great, passionate sex every time you have an encounter? Does it mean having long, intellectual conversations in the middle of the night, or falling asleep discussing the latest novel or politics? Does it mean connecting emotionally to a man who will cry when you cry or feel what you feel? Does it mean a man who is willing to marry you within 90 days? I want you to think long and hard about this one because it will be the driving force of your relationship and its longevity. I know all of you ladies are screaming, “HELL, love means ALL OF THE ABOVE to me girl!” But don’t jump ahead just yet, ponder each of the examples above and make sure you realllllllly understand that each scenario has a downside. Let’s review below:
o Does love look like loyalty? Well hell, what does loyalty look like? Especially when it comes to men. A man that provides for you and ensures that your well-being is good can be considered loyal… That don’t mean his ass won’t cheat. *side eye*
o Does it mean being financially stable within the relationship? Again, What…The…Hell…Does…That…Mean? Financially stable to some may mean having savings that equal at least three-month’s worth of bills. Financially stable to someone else may mean having solid life savings and living a lavish life. Either way, both will require your partner to put in some work whether it’s in the office of someone else or his own. Doing so will take a large chunk of his time, which then means that he can’t be home with you all the time to partake in all the lovey dovey shit. So still, you will have to sacrifice something to fit your definition and needs, and what would that be?
o Does it mean having great, passionate sex every time you have an encounter? Ahhh… Isn’t this ideal?!? Every woman wants this type of intimacy in their life. However, the reality is, great sex may very well come packaged in a broke man who has no drive or ambition. So let’s be real, I know there are a lot of women out there settling for this aspect alone… Calling it love and what have you, then crying when he needs your credit card {AGAIN} to pay his bills. Yea… that’s love. *side eye*
o Does it mean having long, intellectual conversations in the middle of the night, or falling asleep discussing the latest novel or politics? These type of men can get the panties from WHO-EVA (including Oprah). Their knowledge and intellect easily paves the road right to a woman’s heart. Honestly, women tend to be a bit more intellectually advanced than men (sorry fellas), so there is nothing more desirable about a man who can keep up with a conversation. On the flipside, he has likely paved several roads to the hearts of many women (and shut a couple down for construction).
o Does it mean connecting emotionally to a man who will cry when you cry or feel what you feel? I love a man who isn’t afraid to show his emotions. But, in some cases, he may very well be a bit more emotional than you. Nothing is wrong with that (if that’s what you want), just be sure of whatever that is. If he’s crying over your menstrual cramps, that may become a problem at some point.
o Does it mean a man who is willing to marry you in 90 days? Although true love can very well be possible and this scenario has a high chance of playing out. But I’m sorry, I’ve seen too many marriages crash and burn, and most are the ones who do it quickly. There is so much of the unknown in the world today that I’m not even comfortable saying that I’ve met your “real” mother in 90 days. Heck, you could have 15 kids or be in debt up to your ears with the IRS. How will I know in that timeframe? Just a question…
Often times, we approach our relationships with a perspective and expectation of our partner being perfect. He should be the one that sweeps us off our feet and make us fall in love immediately, right? Question… what if it doesn’t work out like that? What if he stumbles a couple of times along the way before he can give you that slipper and ask for your hand? What if his life is complicated at the moment, and he just doesn’t want to get you wrapped up in his mess, but he’s still digging you like you are him? What if he is trying to get his finances together before he pops the question? Does that mean he doesn’t love you? NO, it doesn’t! We were all taught, if not by our parents then through books and movies across the world, that we deserve that perfection. Not only were we told that we deserve it, but we were also told what that looks like without the consideration of the days and times that we are living in, our cultural beliefs, and lifestyles. It is important to know what love looks and feels like to YOU because it may be much different than what it looks and feels like for someone else. Also be aware of when that “someone else” is attempting to tell you how it “should” look. Whatever it looks like, it should be fulfilling to YOU. It doesn’t have to fulfill your mother, or your homegirls, or your co-workers. Regardless of what it is, I hope that it feels like something that you can’t live without. Be an individual with your actions and thoughts. Part of the issue with society today is that we often mimic what we see on television and think it is reality. Television does one thing and that is sell something. Whether that is an image, or perception, or goods and services, you will ultimately buy in to what you see. Be mindful of what you visually consume as it will also shape your reality.
~GG