The definition of relationship is a rather easy concept to grasp. Yet, once you implement effectiveness (or lack thereof) you change the dynamic completely. Anyone can engage with someone else and consider it a relationship; rather it be your spouse/partner, your friend, your colleague etc. Being genuine in those interactions and most of all present, will determine the validity of them.
There are so many factors relevant in our lives that we very rarely take a moment to think about… Who… better yet, what, are we giving most of our attention to? We have our spouses, children, friends, etc. We often look at the things that we choose to give our attention to as our escape… For instance, if you have children yet you like to party, you convince yourself that partying is just your “me” time away from your children. If you have friends that you hang out with all of the time, you convince yourself that it is just time away from your partner. Now there is nothing wrong with taking some time to yourself… I’m not talking about those instances. What I am concerned with is when we go overboard… i.e. feeding this habit for several days out of the week. At that point, there is something bigger happening…
Ask yourself, who or what am I nurturing? Let’s look at it in more detail from the perspectives above:
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Spending 3-4 days a week at the club/casino/bar etc. for several hours add up, and it ultimately adds up to the time that you are not spending with your children or your family. Your children feel that disconnection, they just don’t know how to express it. So how does it show its face? In the form of rebellion, attitude, failing grades, promiscuity etc. That is their way of begging for attention. Don’t be fooled, this works the same way for the “worker bee”. Those of us who feel like we are working working working to ensure that our children have the absolute best because that is what we are supposed to do, right? But is the additional income worth the hours, days, months, and years stolen from our children? We have to start paying closer attention to these subtle cries… They could very well stem from the things that we would never consider as an issue.
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Hanging out with your friends (guy or girl), multiple times a week will also begin to pose an issue or two. Hanging out can look many different ways depending on the person, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a club scene. But again, ask yourself, which relationship am I nurturing? If you are with your friends, laughing and building bonds, when do you ever strengthen the bond in your home? What’s really surprising to me is that once the shyt hits the fan, we are surprised! No one seen it coming, right? *side eye* When you come home at night and feel like you no longer “know” your partner, you can’t understand why?
There is nothing wrong with nurturing all of the relationships in our life. The key is balancing them. We have to have the right mix of interaction with all of the above to constantly strengthen each bond and enjoy the time spent. That is the only way that we can keep from neglecting our loved ones. You can’t grow or get stronger if you are disconnected. Neglect can cause so many issues: self doubt, stress, and insecurities. How many times do you see these characteristics arise and question where they originated from? This may seem simple, but it really isn’t. The most complex problems are the ones that we don’t recognize. They mask themselves as innocent instances that seem harmless. I gurantee there are many people who never even looked at this as a potential issue. But we are all human so anything acknowledged can be rectified. Try to implement some small changes to nurture and massage ALL of your relationships equally. You will see a big difference in the amount of hell and hovoc that you receive at home. It’s the small things that made a big difference.