Subject: How do I know if my man is cheating with his ex?
Scenario: My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. Recently I found out that he has been sneaking and doing things such as taking his ex to work and picking her up, taking her on grocery runs, etc. Now, I am not an insecure woman at all, but truthfully, this is bothering me. Especially since he did not tell me about these dealings and I found out from a 3rd party. Should I confront him about it? If so, how do I bring it up?
My POV: First, let me point out that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings regarding this situation. I think it is fairly accurate to say that most women would be uncomfortable with the situation due to the following:
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The secrecy. If the relationship is nothing, why is it a secret that he is dropping her off at work etc.? Admittedly, he could have a perceived notion that you would over react if he told you, however, keeping it a secret and tip toeing around will only make it worse. Men: Try to be a little more transparent with your woman in this regard. Especially regarding your ex, because those secret dealings can often ruin your current reality.
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The “type” of interaction. Taking her to and from work, going grocery shopping… Those are all things that one would typically do with their woman. I have never heard a man randomly say he was about to go and take his ex to work, unless he was still giving her the business and felt some obligation to do so. Let’s leave that right there…
One thing that keeps going through my mind is, why would a man wake up and leave the house extremely early to ensure that his ex gets to work on time? Let’s be clear, relationships require trust. There is no ifs, ands, and buts about it. Never jump to conclusions without discussing the issue at hand. You never know, it could be some freak incident where he can actually justify his actions. But this seems to be going a bit too far. My suggestion would be to go out for a date night, loosen up a bit. Have a glass of wine, and a light hearted conversation. Find a segway to discuss the issue from there. Keep in mind that men shut down when they feel that you are attacking them, so check your tone and your angle first. Don’t raise your voice, and don’t put the *lip smack* at the end of every sentence. Make him feel as comfortable as possible so that the conversation can be productive. That is not saying that he will have a good reason though… *side eye* If he is stuttering and stumbling over his words, or he flips the issue back on you, you have your answer.
I don’t think that some men consider the respect piece of relationships. This could be due to lack of maturity or just being plain oblivious but either way, if you want your relationship to succeed you have to respect your partner. That also means with every action you take, if it is questionable, consider your partner. If the shoe was on the other foot, you would not want her picking up her ex and hanging out at the grocery store with him…
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