We have failed… We are not our sisters’ keeper. As a matter of fact, we are the complete opposite! We have become so savage, so much so that we are willing to bite, scratch, and pull out the hair of a sister… over a MAN. We are willing to throw bottles, use weapons, and demean ourselves, thinking that we are fighting for what’s “ours.” Ladies, look to your left and right at your sister, friend, or neighbor and tell her: Sis, we are FAILING!! When did we become so mean, degrading and negative to one another? It would be one thing to say it is getting better, but it has gotten progressively worse over the last 15-20 years.

The bigger question is, where does that hate come from? The shrewd comments that come pouring off our tongue like water when we see one another. The phone calls to our besties that normally go a little something like:

“Girllllll, did you see that she lost her job?”

“She is selling her stamps again?! Them poor kids ain’t never gone eat!”

“Hunteyyyy, did you hear that he was cheating on her and slept with the chic in her bed?” That’s what she get, she dumb!”

“Now she know that ain’t her azz. Ole SpongeBob square azz looking heaux!”

There is probably a couple of yall neck rolling like this isn’t you, right? WELL, if you are sizing up other women and deeming them inadequate (based off your own definition of course), then YOU ARE GUILTY! If you are preying on a woman because of who her man is… that means looking for ways to tear her down, digging up her past, searching for where she works etc., then YOU. ARE. GUILTY.

We aim at other women with a loaded gun, also known as our tongue. The tongue is a lethal weapon for sure! It can build you up or break you down, and who is better at using it than the woman? But it’s really mind boggling because most of the gossip and negativity is toward women that we barely know (if we know them at all). So why? What is it that causes us to barf up harmful words and comments toward people that are a mirror image of ourselves? I mean think about it… Even in the comforts of our home. When you are pillow talking, what is the first thing that you tell your man about? Some dumb shit that your friend done (never the good shit because that stuff is apparently not worth mentioning, right? *side eye*). Is your man ever laying up under you just randomly talking about his friends? Probably not. Yes, men may vent at times, but they definitely possess a different type of loyalty to one another than women, which is also why you see so many men sleeping with sisters and friends. It’s so easy for them to ease their way in and tear the friendships apart because deep down, they know where the weakness lie and that is in jealously, insecurities, envy, etc.

We have FAILED ladies! We don’t support one another… We don’t support our fellow sisters in business, personal growth, or anything for that matter. If you know a woman who is an entrepreneur, why not support her business? Instead, we look for ways to tear it down and figure out a way to become her competition. Everyone has their own unique strengths. Looking at someone profit off of their talent doesn’t mean that YOU can profit off THEIR talent. Find your own niche and put your energy into that. Maybe that same young lady can return the support. Furthermore, we all go through trials and troubles, and definitely with men. Why are we laughing at one another’s issues like we all haven’t experienced the same pain at some point?!?! Why can’t we be each other’s strength and offer advice where we may have had the same issue?

 Yes, yes… We have failed, but we haven’t lost the game yet. We can still succeed through conversation and reflection. Getting to the root of the problem will involve evolution amongst us and our thought process. Let’s start with…

Self-control… Ladies, we have to learn to control ourselves; that means our actions and words. As emotional creatures, we often act and speak before we think. The attack is deadly too… But having those emotional spasms also leads us to believe that all can be healed with a simple I’m sorry, when that may not be the case. Apologizing is great, and I recommend doing so, but it may not always be accepted by the other party. Self-control also means controlling our temper. So another woman’s words should not get up under our skin enough to force us to respond negatively, and even worse, return all the hateful energy back to her.

Self-reflection… I still think that the negativity that comes spewing out of our mouths like hot vomit, is a reflection of what we feel inside. Those deepest darkest fears and anxieties come creeping from the crevices of the darkest places, masking itself as self-protection. When you look at another women and think: “She’s a fat, ugly, non-dressing, whore who doesn’t deserve the air she is breathing, let alone a man!” Something in that statement is how you feel about yourself. We think that the judgment and hatred is protecting us… Shielding us from letting people see who we really are behind the make-up, the clothes, the body etc. What’s hiding in there? Heal that and it will become soooooo much easier to give compliments and positivity.

 Have you ever seen the infinity symbol (∞)? The same symbol is used to represent karma, meaning what you give out will come back to you. It’s an endless cycle; this is why it’s soooo important for us to put out good, positive energy. Support others to get support, speak positive about others and people will speak positively about you… and so on. The bottom line is, we have to fix this. We will never get anywhere if we don’t even know how to be good girlfriends to each other. Hell, your man doesn’t want you cooped up under him all the time because you don’t have any “real” friends! QTNA: What’s the solution ladies? What can you do better personally that will help drive a permanent solution overall? Think about it… Small contributions can lead to big resolutions.