Commitments are becoming a thing of the past. Between the men AND women who are commitment-phobes; afraid to take the leap into relationships due to a plethora of issues! Then there are those of us who “assume” there is a commitment. You know what I mean, right?… The type that have a couple of great nights of sex and all of a sudden assume they are in a relationship. Am I still not making sense? Let’s look at a factual example:
The Story: (I have to tell a story first because I like stories) – You and your peeps plan a night out. Before setting foot in the car it’s already understood that you are on the hunt. You want to snag something nice… A cuddle buddy, a one-night stand, or maybe even someone that can grow into something more. You’re dressed to the 9’s, slick from head to toe. You step into the club, smelling right and scoping the scene… You spot something looking nice over by the bar…
From a male perspective… You’re gawking, eyeing her down. On your way over, you contemplate the perfect intro that should land you the panties for the night…
From a female perspective… You side eye that handsome young tender. Once you look over your shoulder and give him the smirk, he signals you to come over. In your mind you’ve already played it out: Play the shy role, let him buy you several drinks, and give him exactly what you came there for in the first place.
You head home and the magic happens… You either get or give up the goods and all is well. Mission accomplished! A couple of weeks go by… you find yourself communicating with this person more than you thought you would. Their cool, the two of you have a lot in common, and your personalities seem to mesh perfectly! Awesome, right?!?1 What was a one-night stand could turn out to be a great friendship.
Months pass… The sex is phucking awesome! Every other day you have to have it.
From a female perspective… You’re getting emotionally attached to this man. You begin to contemplate if there is a future with him (because now you want one). What would he be like? Is he ready as well? You damn sure can’t imagine him being with or sleeping with other women. Time to lock it down!
From a male perspective… You’re comfy as hell… She is always accessible to you; morning, noon, and night. She cooks the meals at your house and hers. She cleans and make sure all your needs are met, not to mention her cookies keep you tamed like a trained puppy. You’re content with things just the way they are… I mean, you don’t want her to give up the goodies, but you don’t plan on slowing down your pimp stroll either.
Everything is still going well… She considers herself his woman (although he never clarified exactly “what” they were). He is fulfilling her needs, so she won’t complain about it too much. He is content, she’s dope. She’s giving him house wife qualities without being a wife. He’s still playing his hand with all of his old flings. He doesn’t see a problem because technically, he never committed to anything to begin with.
The Reality: Now, we all know how this ends. If you don’t, let me put it into perspective: The female catches him either with or on the phone with another chic and all hell breaks loose! How could he do this to her? He was supposed to be faithful! This dirty, nasty, low down dude was still sleeping with other chics?! Who in the phuck does he think he is, right?!?
WRONG!!! All sarcasm aside, he is exactly who he was when you met him. You never required, or even asked for a commitment when you started to want one… You never even asked if that’s what HE wanted. Why are you angry? You got there just like all the others. You assumed that he was in it the same way that you were, but that was never verified. How can you flip out over an unknown situation?
Moral of the Story: Try not to assume yourself into a commitment. It really does require the agreement of two people (not just one). If you are ready to be in a committed relationship but your partner is not, then you have a decision to make. But you can’t force them. The nature of the human is to show resistance when they feel like their power is being taken away, especially by force. Let things naturally fall in to place because they will. You want it to happen that way so he can be just as in love with you as you are with him; no room for questioning.