Have you noticed that the amount of people who actually want to get married these days have decreased? Even people who are actually in relationships… Some are perfectly ok with staying right where they are, you know, without the marriage part. Let’s be clear, I am one who believes that the whole ceremony etc. is just to receive the paper. Marriage starts in your heart. Two people can fully commit to one another and be adjoined by the heart without the “ceremony” and still be considered married. It’s the belief and the actions that enforce it. The wedding, however, is the celebration of the union. The certificate makes it “legal” for political purposes, such as: assets, etc. If you ever split and you never actually got married, you run the risk of walking away with nothing. Which could suck if you and your partner built an empire together.
But let’s not stray… back to the topic at hand. Why is our generation running from the thought of it? Well, I have some ideas…
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The Change… If you ask most men why they are opposed to marriage, they will state that women change after they say “I do.” Ladies do you agree? Think to yourself, did you slowly morph into someone else after you walked down the isle? Did your expectations change of your partner? For instance, when he was just your man, he could throw his underwear on the side of the bed after showering and you would gladly pick them up. But after the marriage, it’s an arguement because the clothes hamper is just five steps away? Whatever the situation may be, is it really fair to start requiring something different than we have allowed for all the time leading up to the marriage? Just think about it…
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The Fairytale… Say you are one of the few that take the leap… Congrats, you made it!! Celebrate and celebrate again! But don’t stop working… Remember how much work it was to keep your relationship with your partner stable and solid? Well, that doesn’t stop after the marriage. We often have this skewed mindset that once we make it down the aisle, it’s over. Everything is rainbows and butterflies from there, right? WRONG! Everything that we do requires constant work, including our relationships. Think about if you got a promotion at work, and then just stopped working… how would that end… *side eye*
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The Misconception… We all have friends/family who are or have been married, right? We also have some friends/family who married for the absolute wrong reasons! And then we have partners/friends/family watching those unions crash and burn and thinking… “See! This is the reason why I’m not getting married…” But WHY?! The journey is an individual one. If your foundation is solid and you can rest assure that your reasons behind taking the leap are legit… Then what are you affraid of? You absolutely cannot base your decision for not getting married off of another persons situation. Come on peeps… Now does that really make sense?
The bottom line is, marriage is a beautiful thing! It’s more that just a loveship… It’s a partnership in parenting, business, financial decision making, and all aspects of life. Furthermore, think about how many children in the AA community grow up in single parent homes. I personally grew up with both of my parents in the home (and married), and it benefited me and my siblings tremendously. At your kids sports events, how often do you see two AA parents there supporting? I know it happens, but how often? And at parent-teacher conferences? Outside of our selfish thought process that keeps us from saying “I do”… How does our decisions impact our children?
When we open ourselves up and allow nature to take it’s course, everything will begin to fall into place. It’s natural to want love… to want to have a partner that you can share your life with… to want marriage. Fear and insecurities are the only factors that keep us from it, and those two things are created in the mind. Something has to give in our overall thought process. Every decision is for “the now”… But what about our future?
I will be the first to say that it makes me uncomfortable to watch the interactions of this generation. Since it does bother me so, my mind is made up. I vow to be the change that I want to see. I promise to be rational with my thoughts and decisions, keeping in mind that we are all human and being so, we are not perfect. And when I DO get married (because I am), my husband can stand firm in knowing that WE made the right decision. The decision is so much bigger than us as people. Think about your purpose in life… What is it? What stance will you take?