Hola’ Kings and Queens! Are you having an awesome day?! I sure hope so! I am back on yet another rant, as I crossed a video last night that was very disturbing to say the least *steps on my soapbox*.
Yesterday, while browsing through Facebook, I came across a video. I didn’t see a title attached to the video, but the words that flashed across the screen were, “Are Black Women ONLY Submissive to White Men…” Instantly, it caught my eye. Not due to the fact that it was regarding interracial relationships, but because I knew that it would probably be something that involved some sort of stereotypes as it relates to black women. I was interested now. I wanted to absorb the information and even scan through the feedback to see if anyone would offer up a solution. I sat through every bit of the six minute, four second video with wide eyes and in sheer shock by what I seen…
The beginning started out with a series of interracial couples (black women/white men), just casually talking about things relationship based, and pretty much just the interaction between them. The women all seemed to be very happy and giddy, I would say that I even got a little sense of “submitting to authority” in the conversations. Let me explain what I mean by that… A couple of the women asked their significant other a question, in an attempt to get a response or help with some sort of decision. Ultimately, the ladies agreed with whatever angle the man took etc. Don’t be offended, this is typically how it is in functional relationships. The make up of the man (historically) demands authority, clear across the board. The video even mentioned the ladies speaking with a “smaller” voice. Initially, I laughed thinking, “Really? A smaller voice?!” Maybe I just had never heard the phrase used in that context, so I summed it up as meaning a “lower tone.” It went on to flash words across the screen about how black women hold white men to a higher regard. Now, I am not arguing against this at all, as I do know women personally who admittedly do! It’s unfortunate, but it is the case for some (keyword: some). However, I do not think that it holds true for “ALL” black women. Now fast forward…
Part 2 shows black women cursing at, and in some instances, physically assaulting black men. I was in awe as they spit fire at these men, hurling everything from b*tch, weak, punk, etc. I assume that these people were supposed to be in relationships, but you would not have known that by their behavior! As the video went on, the men spit back words as a form of defense from the attack they received, using them as a shield from the fury of fire. The caption explained that the behavior being displayed was due to the lack of respect of black men etc. Again, I’m definitely not arguing against this, as there has been a surplus in the lack of respect for the brothers. I have witnessed some women wanting to take their man’s role completely; control the house, make the decisions, be the bread winner, etc. I agree with the problem in these scenarios, but my overall take on it was this…
I understand shedding light on situations such as these, HOWEVER, this is not the case with ALL black women! It’s like statistics, we are taking a particular group of people who may be impacted by situations or living circumstances, and analyzing the behavior based off that group. Clarification: When I say a “specific group,” I am not just speaking of the people who may live in more urban areas. Nope. Not at all. I know plenty of “prominent, bougie” women who act the same way. Some have adopted a particular behavior after going through one horrible relationship after another. Some can’t find a man, but feel they deserve one, so they may “attack” all men who they come across due to this matter. Let’s be broad with that description above and leave out the stereotypes. But, that does not cover ALL black women, and there are a whole hell of a lot of us. The amount of women that I know who uplift their man, respect their man, support their man, never raise their voice at their man, never physically assaults their man etc. outweigh the set above by far! Now, will there ever be a light shined on them, nah… Probably not. It’s just like the news stations, the negatives are always what is mostly highlighted. Also, black women are not the only race of women who have some that are not submissive, or who may have some who disrespect their men. It’s important to understand that this crosses all races, others are just not under the microscope as we are.
Questions: Ladies is this how we want to be viewed? I sure don’t! But I’m only one person, so how can we assist our sisters who would fall into this category in healing? What can we do individually to help? You may not be physically abusive, but do you see some of these traits showing up in your own relationships? The mouth of a woman is a loaded gun for sure! Do you shoot a round every now and then? Let’s heal and evolve ladies… When will we say enough is enough?
I think the creator of the video was attempting to shed light… I agree that light does need to be shed. However, when you stereotype a group of people, black women in this case, your message will never be received. Mostly because the women who do not fit in that box, will be offended by the message, even if it does not pertain to them. If we are going to call out these things, let’s get a little more specific, that way we can get to the root of the problem such as: Why do some black women disrespect black men? Is there a common denominator in it all? How do we fix it? What steps do we need to take? Then we can move toward the solutions of: How is this impacting black men? Is their current behavior in direct response to the disrespect that they feel? What are their thoughts about it? How do we heal our women and heal our men simultaneously?
Only then will we truly get somewhere. Needless to say, it is very disheartening for me to see videos such as the one I witnessed last night. I have no words for it because I do not ever feel the need to disrespect any human being, let alone the one you are supposed to love. So how can we help? How can we heal? Let’s ask ourselves those questions first.
NOTE: Link to the video is below. {Update: The owner of the video has taken it down.}
https://www.facebook.com/teamdelorean/videos/10153290365119767/?pnref=story