Why The Expectations Of Monogamy May Be Unrealistic

Monogamy… One of the most misused words in the U.S. I want to discuss the word as it relates to sexual relationships.

 It’s very interesting, the way the mind works as it relates to this topic. We hear it time and time again, everyone wants monogamy, right? But do we ever stop to ask if some people are even “capable” of being such?

 Ahhh, the American dream… In a perfect world, it is ideal to go out and meet that one person that you fall in love with and be in a harmonious, monogamous relationship with for the rest of your life. Sounds perfect enough, right? Are people really this perfect?

 If you are in a defined relationship with another person, I think it’s safe to say that the assumption is that they will be monogamous. You would think that your partner vowed to be with you and only you. But what if your partner steps out of the relationship and sleeps with another person? Do you lose all trust and respect for that person? Do you leave what was once a solid relationship with the person that you swore to love, only to risk finding another person who will do the same thing? The very thought of losing everything that you have built with a person due to a fling is the very reason why most people (men in particular) are leaning away from entering relationships altogether. If you can lose everything in the blink of an eye, what is the purpose in ever starting it?

Let’s take a more realistic approach to the matter. Men in particular are animalistic creatures (even some women). Being so, they like the chase. That chase may very well land them in between the legs of another woman (Don’t kill the messenger, I’m just being real). Now, let’s ponder a couple of things before we get to hair swinging and lip popping:


– Have you had the conversation with your partner regarding monogamy? Let’s stop assuming and then get upset when our partner cheats. Be upfront and direct. Get his thoughts on it, and listen to his answer. If he respond’s that he loves you but gets the urge to have sex with someone else every now and then, don’t slap the shyt out of him! Listen… Now you have the information that you need to make a decision upfront. Either you decide if that is something that you are willing to deal with, and if so, then stay. If absolutely not, then leave. Don’t attempt to argue him down about his answer and still stay, but blow up and leave as soon as you find out about an instance that you knew could happen sooner or later. Again, we have to stop assuming. Men (or women) cannot live up to expectations that they don’t even know exist. We cannot assume that everyone is on board with monogamy because they aren’t. It is up to the individual couple to decide.

 In 2015, we have seen several new attempts at making relationships work such as: threesomes, open relationships, polygamy, etc. Open relationships was once something that we only heard about on tv… or so we thought. Now we know people as close as our next door neighbors who may indulge in one or the other. This may provide an option to some of the women who feel that they love the man who is great to them and want to help him fulfill the “urge” without him being sneaky and deceitful about it. Let’s go back to the key factors that must be prevalent in order to even attempt these options.


-There is no reason to even entertain an open relationship, threesome etc. if you do not trust your partner. Trust is a big deal in any relationship… Whether you are going the traditional route or not. If you are bringing other women into the fold, the last thing you want to do is be worried about if he’s trying to leave you for her or not. That can cause you to spiral out of control, causing insecurity issues etc. Don’t do it if trust issues are a factor. Better yet, contemplate why you are even there if you can’t trust him.

Communication (…again)

-Again, the communication lines have to be open. You have to communicate if you attempt to try something new, as a matter of fact, do a lot of it. If you are uncomfortable or something just doesn’t feel right, let him (or her) know. Don’t take this lightly. You are bringing someone else into your bedroom and that is a big deal. I would hope that you and your partner are on the same page… Especially if you are not sure of the other persons intentions. Better yet, if you are not sure if they have ill intentions, why invite them in in the first place?

 Many of our issues as it relates to relationships and monogamy, can be resolved by trust and effective communication. Have the conversation that most people are scared to have. Sit down with your partner and discuss BOTH of your sexual needs and wants. Through that convo, you may come to the realization that your partner isn’t even “capable” of being monogamous. You may feel the exact same way. As long as the two of you are in sync with your thoughts on the matter and keep your lines of communication open, you may consider trying the modern options. When you attempt to force yourself into a box that you were never meant to fit in, you are creating a recipe for disaster. Monogamy may work for some but not for others… The same with polygamy and open relationships. It is up to you to make that decision.

 Whatever your preference, keep it between you and your partner. Your opinions are the only ones that matter.

Recommended Posts