3 Major Lessons That You Can Learn From Being Mary Jane

I’m not one who indulges in TV often, but I’m human so when I do, it is normally the new power shows such as Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, Being Mary Jane, etc. Season 2 of BMJ just ended, and boy did we go on a ride! Of course, I looked at all of her interactions with men from a relationship perspective and to be quite honest, I was nervous! Is this how the world views single black women with careers or women in general?!? I am soooo confused. I sure do hope that the image and characteristics of MJ (from a relationship perspective) are based on some fictional, dreamt up character. She was phenomenal in her professional life, but sucked horribly at nurturing relationships and friendships.
MJ went from situation to situation, trying to force triangles to fit into her circle. Season 1, she attempted to have a serious relationship with a married man by the name of Andre… Now I’m no rocket scientist, but the chances of a situation like that working out are very slim. Even if the man does up and leave his wife for his side piece, the relationship will always be rocky because the side piece will ultimately be extremely insecure about his dealings, thinking as if he will do her the same way… And there’s a good possibility that he probably will. Season 2 was more so about David, her ex whom she had a broken relationship with. From what I gathered, it looked as if she initially jumped ship on him because her career was taking off and he was in a bad position financially. After parting ways, he ultimately skyrocketed in his career. MJ never lost feelings for him. She played the fence with him sexually, pleasing him when she could and vice versa. He eventually got engaged, and her bold personality went to his house (where him and his fiancé’ resided) to confess her feelings. It didn’t work out in her favor, so she left heartbroken. Later in the show, he was actually having mixed feelings for her and wanted to amend their relationship, and she ultimately shot him down. This back and forth continued episode after episode. My question is, how can you want something and attempt to go after it, but when it places itself in your lap you leave it? Is it a control thing? Was it the fact that when she was vulnerable he didn’t come back that forced her to strike back at him in his vulnerable moment? Whatever the reason may be, it seemed to boil down to pride issues. MJ was upset that his fiancé’ was now pregnant. Every other word that she mentioned was about the pregnancy. I’m guessing it was because she was pregnant at one point when they were in a relationship. She went as far as to call him to have sex with her and get her pregnant again, and kicked him out in the morning saying it wasn’t going to work. Lordddd, again, I hope this character is fictional. It seemed as if it was her way or the highway. Her attitude was horrible and to top it off she was a horrible communicator, but she expected for the men in her life to conform to her needs. It makes no sense…
Mid season, she met Sheldon. Sheldon was a business man. Very reserved in nature, but romantic as well. He courted her as one would think a man should. MJ caught whiff of his old player ways and immediately went on attack mode; questioning him about his past etc. It was like that small bit of information changed the way she viewed him completely. She went as far as calling him corny for setting a themed (Moroccan) based dinner for her (and who does that? *side eye*)! MJ often didn’t think before she spoke, so offending others in her relationships and friendships happened quite often.

I know I can’t squeeze a season full of info into this blog (especially since there is so much that I want to say), so I will sum it up with this:

 MJ came off as a successful, career driven woman, who was so used to having a sense of power that she tried to control everything and everyone in her life. Her views on relationships and men were so skewed at times that she wouldn’t have known a good man if he was standing in her face. Her mouth was like fire as she burned everyone she spoke to, never taking accountability for her words.  Is that what we, as women, want to be viewed as? I understand that some parts were realistic such as, a woman scorned will shut down with men. No man will be good enough for her, because she will place such high expectations on him that he will never be able to live up to them. However, you can overcome it. Taking on the stereotypical “flare” that most people think a SBF has is not the way. Both men seemed to be good men, just had different views. No one is perfect, MJ included as we can see from her dropping shoes and bags everywhere as she entered Sheldon’s home, and drinking when she got the chance. And that’s fine, but the beauty of it is understanding that men AND women are not perfect. We can’t set expectations high as the Great Wall of China! My advice to MJ’s character (and any woman who has those characteristics) would be this:

 -Take the time to heal in between your men. Clearly you are searching for something in men that will fill a void in your life that you can probably only heal yourself. Do just that, heal… It’s ok to work on yourself, and enjoy the single life while doing it. Don’t keep adding to your baggage as you go from relationship to relationship or it will always fail.

 – Unload your gun (your MOUTH) and keep it in the holster! Criticizing a dinner theme? Calling a man corny? Bringing up someone’s 10 year old past? Throwing your money and success in the face of others? Is that really acceptable? What if someone dug up your past (because I’m sure you have one). Change is constant and people CAN change. Money can go just as quick as it came. It is very important to humble yourself. I know the pressure of helping others can be a huge burden, but if you are going to do it, do it without stipulations. Do it because you want to. If you aren’t, you are more prone to smearing your good deeds in the faces of those you help. You never want to burn bridges, even with those who you feel aren’t on your bridge. Furthermore, when has chivalry ever been a bad thing? Are we that far removed from being treated well by a man that we call it “corny” when we do find one who will court us? Now that makes me nervous.

 – Live for today. Live! Live! Live! Why are we living to chase a relationship?!?! What happened to the fun stages of dating? Enjoy the moments of getting to know one another. Have fun and be patient. If a relationship was meant to present itself, it will. If you are focused on the past or the future, you will definitely miss the present. Attempting to force a union will run a man off, and leave you feeling insecure and unworthy. When you look back at your life, you want to be able to remember all the fun times and “interesting” people that you met along the way! If you are constantly chasing a relationship and not creating memories, you won’t have a life to look back on.

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