BMJ: To Forgive Or Not To Forgive

By T. Marie on January 19, 2016

Ok… Can we discuss the season finale of Being Mary Jane? I know I’m behind on this one, but I was busy… Unjudge me!

The sarcasm:  I have to admit, there was something bittersweet about David’s mom popping up at MJ’s house. It was sweet in a sense, yet a slap in the face at the same time. Kind of like someone smiling while spitting in your face. She went on and on about how David is sorry, which I don’t doubt that he is. We all have a sense of remorse after doing some bullshit. What I didn’t like, is that his mom came to basically apologize for him. No, no David. I know the conversation will be hard… I mean… This IS Mary Jane, but what the hell?!?! Show how much you are sorry by standing up to her yourself! Say, “I’m sorry” and hell, “I love you” for that matter! Be expressive, even in the hard times. MJ is stubborn and has a pair of lips on her, but once the time came, she would reflect on those words. Those words that she (and any other woman), would so desperately want to hear.

Now on to Cece… The ironic thing is, through what appeared to be greed and extortion, MJ found what looks like a friend. She spoke at Cece’s bookstore on the season finale, and to be honest, it’s almost as if the woman forced MJ back into… herself. The self that cared about her culture, and what was happening around the world. The self that reflected back on all that had occurred and all that she had become, and realized that she really wasn’t being true to herself. But what a loop the ending through us for! MJ told CeCe that a publisher was interested in giving her a book deal.  They sat at the round table, and in typical CeCe fashion, she took off talking; detailing all of the payments that she so UNrightfully stole, while portraying it like it was within reason. Well, those publishers that she was meeting weren’t publishers at all. They happened to be the FBI, coming to arrest her for extortion. Cece was pissed, because she was under the impression that her and MJ were building a “friendship”…But I’m sorry Cece, friends don’t extort friends. That’s in chapter one of the “How To Be A Friend” handbook!

MJ also came under fire this episode for dating a white man. I use the word dating loosely because it’s more like a late night booty call than a courtship! She sexed, and sexed, and sexed this man in the steamiest and most exciting way. I mean, any woman would be up for this type of fun… And don’t lie, if you could get away with it you would! She ended up coming to the realization that it was merely a fling. Now, I’m not sure if it was more her fear of being judged for dating a white man, or her hope that she may still be able to find black love. But either way she cut it loose.

The realism:  Listen, we all screw up sometimes, and this time, it was David. Yes, what he done was whack… as HELL… but who’s to say that he wasn’t just young and dumb? Everyone goes through it, and hopefully, grow through it. On the flipside, where does holding a grudge get you? The only person that the grudge impacts is YOU. No one says that you have to go back to be besties and cuddle buddies, but get over your feelings. Look at the positives, you could have very well dodged a bullet, or maybe that “love” just wasn’t for you. Either way, make peace with the situation and move on.

To all the “David’s” out there… don’t be afraid to apologize. 9 times out of 10, that’s all a woman wants. Acknowledge your fault and wrong doings in the situation. OWN IT. That’s all you have to do, own it. When you act prideful and feel as if you don’t owe anyone anything, explanation or otherwise, you are losing a downhill battle. Not only are you being selfish and hurting another being, but karma will circle right back around and bite you… And we all know how that ends…

I believe that real friendships can form out of bad situations, but extortion is a bit extreme. It is never ok to use someone, and then think they will become your best friend. Everyone judges from the outside looking in, but you never know what someone is dealing with on the other side of the door. In this case, yes MJ was financially stable, but she also provided for her family, and had internal issues to deal with that were  far more severe than being materially poor. The bottom line is, she didn’t deserve that treatment, regardless of her attitude or possessions. Sometimes, the attitude and flashy personality can be a shield for someone who is truly suffering on the inside. Don’t be so quick to throw stones… We are all fighting a battle.

Lastly, the show mildly touched on corporate America, and the struggles within it. Ladies, we are all fighting the same fight. Trying to climb the corporate ladder and become something greater than all of those before us. However, fighting that fight doesn’t mean that we have to kick, scratch, and drag one another down trying to get there. Hard work and determination works just as well (in most cases). Working in CA myself, I have seen it all: the lies and cheating, sexing senior management, back stabbing, and sabotage, all in an attempt to get to the top. I’m actually happy that this very prevalent issue was introduced. Hopefully, it gets more exposure in future shows. (Stay tuned, I plan on blahg-ing more about relationships in leadership as well).

Whew! I knew that was just a mouthful, but I just loveeee relating fiction to facts! Anywho, what was your favorite moments? Did it go off with a bang or was it basic? Clue me in on any interesting shows out there that I don’t know about! Let’s talk tv!

What A Time For A… SCANDAL!!

By T. Marie on January 19, 2016

Whew! If you tuned in to tonight’s Scandal, you know it was the Scandal to rival allllll Scandals (while shedding light on some very valid issues, of course)! Tonight was the season finale, but if you missed the season it was full of relationship woes… From the on-screen love-ships to the strained friendships, these characters left no stone unturned!

The sarcasm: Liv, Liv, Liv… Why are you the side piece of allllll side pieces?!?! You are the only woman on earth that can have a boyfriend, a fling, and someone else’s husband and play the “no seriously, I love YOU” role with every single one of them! I know women all of the world are wondering how in thee hell are you pulling this off! And to be honest, I’m wondering the same damn thing… *side eye* But one can only do what another allows. Furthermore, you pushed a woman completely out of her house (the White House at that), for you to take her spot! I’m sure that is the dream of side pieces all around the world… Thanks for giving them hope. *another side eye* But wait… that’s not all… Low and behold, you win, (insert slow clap), only to take Fitz on an emotional roller coaster about how you never wanted to be there in the first place! You never wanted to marry him, you never wanted to live in the White House because you have just as much power as he does, and how dare he think you would take a back seat to him. Reeeeewind, weeks ago your hot spot was in the driver seat. You didn’t want anything more than to live out your days with good ole Fitz and have his babies… Why the change of heart? You admitted that that dream was only valid while he was taken… still married… still another woman’s man.

 Liv also comes from a broken family though. Both of her parents are deadly criminals, so again, she is dealing with some serious internal issues that she will have to heal from alone. But instead of healing, she is pacifying her pain with the D… Going from man to man, looking for romance and for-the-moment love. Clearly you would have to have some deep rooted issues if your mother was a terrorist, and your father was a cold blooded professional hitman, right? Not only that, but Papa Pope is manipulative. He will finesse any situation that can potentially deliver an outcome that is in his favor. I don’t doubt that he loves Liv, not at all. However, he can’t deliver the type of love that she needs as his child; the love that she is so desperately searching for. He may think that he is giving her unconditional love, most of the time if you are coming up short on the love-meter, you definitely can’t recognize it yourself. Well… unless you become spiritually in tune, but for some reason, I don’t see that happening in Papa Pope’s near future.

 The realism: Why is it that a woman will lust and chase after a man that she know she can’t have? What is it about the thrill of sexing and manipulating a man that is going home to another woman? It sounds fun, right? You can have your casual nights with him and send him home… or you don’t have to report your every move to anyone, because he has a woman. You can come and go in your own house as you please, and even milk him for money every now and then. But somewhere along the lines you catch a feeling or two… Now you want more time. The questions become, “Why can’t you stay the night here?”, “Why can’t we be together?”, “Just leave her…”

 All of which he might even consider. He could very well be taking his woman through soooo much at home that they both really want out. Little did you know, YOU were the scape goat! He hesitates for a while, pondering if it’s worth it. The more he hesitates, the more you press down on him trying to force him to make a decision. Then boom, it happens… He appears at your doorstep telling you that he left his woman. Uh oh… Now the shit gets real. All of the crap that his woman dealt with that you never got to see, and all of those little personality quirks and character flaws that she accepted him for is now in your hands. The only difference is, you can’t handle it! A couple of months pass before the petty complaining creeps in and the arguing starts. Tsk tsk… What a shame. The reality comes crashing down on your doorstep which is, you never wanted him anyway. You only wanted the thrill of sexing another woman’s man. Well, there is more to a man than his penis, and when you entertain a relationship, that’s the first thing you should remember. The ex has moved on… She’s happy and free while you are realizing that you may have made a mistake. Be careful what you ask for or you just might get it.

Now, I’m not saying that every situation ends like that. There are instances where the fling and the stolen man live happily ever after. But it normally doesn’t happen from taking him right out her bed (like Liv did).

Overall, the show was entertainment for sure! I thought the season started off slow, but that’s just me…

What about you guys?

Was this season all that you expected and some?

And the juicy finale… what was your fave part?!?

Did you agree with how Liv played Fitz? Let’s talk tv!

Empire: A World Of Hate and Dysfunction

By T. Marie on January 19, 2016

Let’s have some girl (and guy) talk about tonight’s episode of Empire! This blog will be two fold because there are some very real issues playing out in these episodes but there are also some hints of funniness that I just can’t help but add some sarcasm about! Hehe… Anywho…

I literally shook my head tonight because I couldn’t do anything but think of the realism that the story line carries. This episode in particular deals with two very real issues that plague most households…

The realism: The first being the dysfunctional parents… Two people who are, or were, married at some point… Who has been intimate enough to produce not one, not two, but THREE children! But who currently cannot stand in the same room as one another and act like functional adults. We see all three kids battling for attention and acceptance, as the parents’ battle over money. We all know several people who are co-parenting and act like this right now. Every single decision and action is to spite the other person. And in this case, who can rule the music industry… But where is the parenting? Where is the guidance? Where is the regards for the kids? Whom, by the way, it doesn’t matter how old they are, they are still looking for that love and support from their parents.

 Ultimately, what I see is two adults who are clearly hurt; both from their upbringing and from each other. But it makes sense, if you are raised in dysfunction and turmoil once you have your own home that energy will still remain. Mostly because you don’t know any better. Who is there to teach you how to love and support your spouse and your children if your parents never reciprocated it? No one! One of the benefits of the scenes are the flashbacks… Reflecting on the childhood of Lucious and the confusion of Cookie really sheds light on their character. They have yet to grow as people, and until you take the time to do that, you can be of absolutely no value to anyone else. Sure, they feel like they are protecting themselves. They are guarding the inner child who is still hurt from years and years up built up pain. That child inside is actually waiting to heal, it’s the person outside that won’t let it. Now, the subliminal love that they still have for one another is strong. They are just too stubborn to hash it out and communicate! Speak it! Say all that hurtful shit, what each one done to the other to disappoint and demean one another and put the differences aside for a more cohesive family. It’s hard, it really is, but it will lift a weight so heavy off your soul in the end that it is definitely worth it.

 The sarcasm: Now… Can we talk about Anika and her cray cray-ness?!?! Let’s just start by saying she found out she was pregnant. Well… In typical side piece fashion, when she attempts to tell Hakeem he informs her that he is now in love. Instead of still expressing the fact that she is with child, she lied and said that she only stopped by to show her support and left. Now, we’ve seen these scenarios play out wayyy too often in real life as well. This young man basically used Anika in his time of need. First, to get back at his dad, then to get back his manhood. Not once during the season can I say that I ever felt like they were in a real-ationship. But as women, we are emotional creatures and sometimes we wear our heart on our hot spot. Yes, this man is young, and probably sexed her in ways that old ass Lucious couldn’t, but don’t confuse that with love Boo Boo Kitty! Fast forward, yes, being pregnant is emotional and overwhelming to say the least, but the baby won’t force the man into staying… It never works like that… EVER. With the season finale coming up, I’m interested to see what her plan is. Tonight’s episode ended with her staging herself as the driver for Hakeem’s new girlfriend. Again, cray… cray…

The realism: It’s soooo important for us, as women, to understand when we are valued and when we are just being used as pawns for the moment. Men can be manipulative, but we have something that they don’t have and that is intuition. We know, I mean deep down in our gut, we know when it’s right and when it’s just flat out wrong! Yes, it’s easy to shame the men once we pop up pregnant with babies that they say they don’t want, but we have to hold ourselves accountable too. Sometimes, the fun of the sexual experience isn’t worth the lifetime of pain that comes afterward. We can choose to protect ourselves (condoms, birth control, etc.) or just choose our men wisely period. It’s definitely time for us to take our crown back. It is a blessing to be chose by a woman and even more of a blessing for her to bear your child. No man should ever shun that, and if he does, he never deserved you in the first place.

Butttttt…

What are your thoughts on tonight’s episode?

Did you think Hakeem “really” won that rap battle? *side eye*

Would you like to see Cookie and Lucious hash out those childish ass differences and build a solid empire? Let’s talk tv!

3 Major Lessons That You Can Learn From Being Mary Jane

By T. Marie on January 19, 2016

I’m not one who indulges in TV often, but I’m human so when I do, it is normally the new power shows such as Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, Being Mary Jane, etc. Season 2 of BMJ just ended, and boy did we go on a ride! Of course, I looked at all of her interactions with men from a relationship perspective and to be quite honest, I was nervous! Is this how the world views single black women with careers or women in general?!? I am soooo confused. I sure do hope that the image and characteristics of MJ (from a relationship perspective) are based on some fictional, dreamt up character. She was phenomenal in her professional life, but sucked horribly at nurturing relationships and friendships.

MJ went from situation to situation, trying to force triangles to fit into her circle. Season 1, she attempted to have a serious relationship with a married man by the name of Andre… Now I’m no rocket scientist, but the chances of a situation like that working out are very slim. Even if the man does up and leave his wife for his side piece, the relationship will always be rocky because the side piece will ultimately be extremely insecure about his dealings, thinking as if he will do her the same way… And there’s a good possibility that he probably will. Season 2 was more so about David, her ex whom she had a broken relationship with. From what I gathered, it looked as if she initially jumped ship on him because her career was taking off and he was in a bad position financially. After parting ways, he ultimately skyrocketed in his career. MJ never lost feelings for him. She played the fence with him sexually, pleasing him when she could and vice versa. He eventually got engaged, and her bold personality went to his house (where him and his fiancé’ resided) to confess her feelings. It didn’t work out in her favor, so she left heartbroken. Later in the show, he was actually having mixed feelings for her and wanted to amend their relationship, and she ultimately shot him down. This back and forth continued episode after episode. My question is, how can you want something and attempt to go after it, but when it places itself in your lap you leave it? Is it a control thing? Was it the fact that when she was vulnerable he didn’t come back that forced her to strike back at him in his vulnerable moment? Whatever the reason may be, it seemed to boil down to pride issues. MJ was upset that his fiancé’ was now pregnant. Every other word that she mentioned was about the pregnancy. I’m guessing it was because she was pregnant at one point when they were in a relationship. She went as far as to call him to have sex with her and get her pregnant again, and kicked him out in the morning saying it wasn’t going to work. Lordddd, again, I hope this character is fictional. It seemed as if it was her way or the highway. Her attitude was horrible and to top it off she was a horrible communicator, but she expected for the men in her life to conform to her needs. It makes no sense…

Mid season, she met Sheldon. Sheldon was a business man. Very reserved in nature, but romantic as well. He courted her as one would think a man should. MJ caught whiff of his old player ways and immediately went on attack mode; questioning him about his past etc. It was like that small bit of information changed the way she viewed him completely. She went as far as calling him corny for setting a themed (Moroccan) based dinner for her (and who does that? *side eye*)! MJ often didn’t think before she spoke, so offending others in her relationships and friendships happened quite often.

I know I can’t squeeze a season full of info into this blog (especially since there is so much that I want to say), so I will sum it up with this:

 MJ came off as a successful, career driven woman, who was so used to having a sense of power that she tried to control everything and everyone in her life. Her views on relationships and men were so skewed at times that she wouldn’t have known a good man if he was standing in her face. Her mouth was like fire as she burned everyone she spoke to, never taking accountability for her words.  Is that what we, as women, want to be viewed as? I understand that some parts were realistic such as, a woman scorned will shut down with men. No man will be good enough for her, because she will place such high expectations on him that he will never be able to live up to them. However, you can overcome it. Taking on the stereotypical “flare” that most people think a SBF has is not the way. Both men seemed to be good men, just had different views. No one is perfect, MJ included as we can see from her dropping shoes and bags everywhere as she entered Sheldon’s home, and drinking when she got the chance. And that’s fine, but the beauty of it is understanding that men AND women are not perfect. We can’t set expectations high as the Great Wall of China! My advice to MJ’s character (and any woman who has those characteristics) would be this:

 -Take the time to heal in between your men. Clearly you are searching for something in men that will fill a void in your life that you can probably only heal yourself. Do just that, heal… It’s ok to work on yourself, and enjoy the single life while doing it. Don’t keep adding to your baggage as you go from relationship to relationship or it will always fail.

 – Unload your gun (your MOUTH) and keep it in the holster! Criticizing a dinner theme? Calling a man corny? Bringing up someone’s 10 year old past? Throwing your money and success in the face of others? Is that really acceptable? What if someone dug up your past (because I’m sure you have one). Change is constant and people CAN change. Money can go just as quick as it came. It is very important to humble yourself. I know the pressure of helping others can be a huge burden, but if you are going to do it, do it without stipulations. Do it because you want to. If you aren’t, you are more prone to smearing your good deeds in the faces of those you help. You never want to burn bridges, even with those who you feel aren’t on your bridge. Furthermore, when has chivalry ever been a bad thing? Are we that far removed from being treated well by a man that we call it “corny” when we do find one who will court us? Now that makes me nervous.

 – Live for today. Live! Live! Live! Why are we living to chase a relationship?!?! What happened to the fun stages of dating? Enjoy the moments of getting to know one another. Have fun and be patient. If a relationship was meant to present itself, it will. If you are focused on the past or the future, you will definitely miss the present. Attempting to force a union will run a man off, and leave you feeling insecure and unworthy. When you look back at your life, you want to be able to remember all the fun times and “interesting” people that you met along the way! If you are constantly chasing a relationship and not creating memories, you won’t have a life to look back on.