And The Winner Goes To…

By T. Marie on September 27, 2016

In the wake of what happens to be the sexiest video that I’ve seen in quite some time, I noticed that it also brought the envy out of some women. If your confused about which video I am speaking of, it is Kanye West’s “Fade” video, starring Teyana Taylor that made its worldwide debut on the 2016 VMAs. This work of art was filled with melanated skin, sexy dance moves that took us back to the original woman, and post baby curves that I’m sure every mother in the world would die for. This queen brought the noise to a library, encouraging EVERY woman to embrace the goddess within (while getting her ass in the gym to get her sexy back). But… (of course there is a but, right?) With every deserved praise there was also a level of jealousy and envy. You may be thinking, how can women praise her and be jealous of her at the same time? Although this CAN happen, those are not the individuals that I am talking about. I’m talking about the ones who sat back and watched the seemingly perfect performance and searched high and low for a way to tear her down.

Well, we all know that TT (yes, I nicknamed her) is engaged to Cleveland Cavaliers shooting guard, Iman Shumpert. Low and behold, one of Shumpert’s old flames came out the woods to let the world know that he cheated on TT, at some point, with her. Now let’s take a step back for a minute to recap the mentality of this woman, and so many others in today’s society…

In this particular instance and like so many others, some women hate to see another one happy. That means:

– If a female feels like you are flaunting your relationship to the world like it’s “perfect”, well, she’ll want to kill that image.

– If she feels like you have something that she DESERVES to have, she’ll try to take it.

– If she feels like you are a little tooooo happy in your relationship, she’ll figure out a way to make you unhappy.

All of this stems from jealousy. Jealousy is the #1 driver of this behavior and as I’ve said in so many previous blogs, it is at an all-time high amongst women. The side chic mentality is very seldom about the man, btw. As a matter of fact, more times than not, it is about the woman that he is with. If the main chic holds some sort of status, is financially sound, or is desirable physically, the side chic feels compelled to chase the man down, almost as if she is achieving some sort of accomplishment in trying to tear down the relationship at hand. Somehow, they have rationalized in their mind that they DESERVE everything that the main woman has. Although it sounds crazy, this thought process drives their every move. In TT’s case, the video topped off her seemingly perfect relationship, bringing the skeletons right on out of Shumpert’s closet and onto social media. However, in my opinion, Shumpert handled the incident quite well. He not only publicly apologized to his queen, but admitted to doing so privately as well. His statement was one that took ownership of his fault in the situation, and accepted the ridicule that came with it. The response (or lack thereof), killed the rumors before they could even get started.

Take away: Ladies, WE have to stop. Let’s take a moment to turn the mirror back on ourselves and reflect. If you have this mentality, what are you gaining from it? Although you may think that what you are doing is justified, it really isn’t, especially when karma is the principle that guides life as we know it.  What is meant for one is not necessarily meant for the next, and your means to happiness should not be at the destruction of someone else’s. I know there is plenty of women who have been cheated on and in turn vowed to be the woman that men cheat with. But, if this is the case, you have some healing to do internally. That means do what you need to do to rebuild your self-esteem and start again. It happens to the best of us, but belittling yourself and disrespecting someone else is not the way to fill that void. Who knows, maybe it isn’t a void at all… Maybe your fight is with the idea of staying relevant through sexcapades. Either way, there is an underlying issue and that issue is what needs to be exposed and resolved so that we can all progress as a people. The question is, are you willing to do the work?


Is Future Still In Love With Ciara?

By T. Marie on January 26, 2016

Recap: In a round of tweets earlier this month, Future took to Twitter to express what could be his frustration with his current co-parenting situation with Ciara. The tweets went as such:

“This bytch got control problems…”

“I gotta go through lawyers to see babyfuture… the f*ckery for 15k a month”

“I just want babyfuture that’s all”

“I been silent for a year & a half… I ran outta patience”

Future and Ciara announced that they were dating some time in 2012… A year later, Future proposed to Ciara at her 28th birthday party and was quoted saying:

” I’ve reached an age in my life when it’s time to settle down.”

“You got one life to live. So I’m living it the way I want to live it.”

… In 2014 shyt began to get ugly with rumors swirling of Future cheating. In the midst of it all, Ciara gave birth to her son, Future Zahir Wilburn on May 19th, 2014. Afterward things seem to continue to go down hill with the couple splitting quietly some time during the year. Fast forward to 2016 and we are witnessing a seemingly happy Ciara (dating Russell Wilson), and a seemingly unhappy Future.

Analysis: What saddens me the most about this situation is the lack of respect being shown here. I personally do not feel that it is ever ok to disrespect your ex-significant other and most definitely not someone that you are parenting a child with. We are living in an era where no one wants to be held accountable for their own actions. Ok, the two dated and produced a child, now… how in the hell do you get to the point of hating each others guts when it was all love less than two years ago?

Yes, sometimes we date who we think we want, not who we need… With that being said, you may catch a bad one here and there, but whose fault is that? You chose that person, no one else. You could have very well judged poorly, we all do sometimes, but the thing about life is… it will force you to deal with those decisions. For every action there is a reaction… Every decision that we make warrants a consequence or reward. There is no way around that law.

The biggest hurdle now is how to move forward, which is something that you have to do. As parents, we can be soooo selfish at times… Dragging one another’s name through the mud just for a few like and a couple shares. We often forget who will be impacted the most… the CHILD. The innocent being who did not ask to be on this earth, but is now wedged between some dysfunctional relationship of two adults who are not behaving as such. I respect Ciara though because through it all, she hasn’t responded much, and when she does, it’s not in a negative way. When a situation gets as messy as this one you have to question, are there feelings still lingering? Future has mentioned Ciara in many interviews and social media posts (and not in the best way). Could he still be in love with the goodies of the R&B singer? I think that could very well be the case. However, we will probably never know since the ego seems to be controlling this ship.

Take away: Be cordial and respectful, if for no one else do it for your child. Believe it or not, the baby is watching. When the day comes where he/she can speak and make their own decisions, they will be sure to blame you for all of their personal issues stemming from growing up with dysfunctional parents and social media won’t be able to console that… You can hold yourself accountable in your own home without worrying about the public judging you. Take the step towards adulthood and sacrifice your ego for your child…